Victim Impact Statement – C.N.

Victim Impact Statement

A victim impact statement is a written or oral statement made by a crime victim to be read at a sentencing hearing to explain to the court the effects of the crime. The following victim impact statement was written by a survivor during court proceedings of a sexual assault trial in Midcoast Maine. The statement was never read because the man accused was found ?not guilty? by a jury of his peers. The survivor agreed to share her statement in this newsletter in hopes of educating others about the effects of sexual violence. She updated her statement to include her feelings after he was found “not guilty” by a jury.

I would like to thank you for letting me read this to you.

My life fell apart on that morning. That morning changed my life. My life spun out of control and I stopped caring about living my life.

I had no trust– not only in men but in everyone. I felt so alone and blamed myself for being so stupid. I blamed myself for going and drinking when I knew that I have a seizure disorder and that I am underage. I guess that I trusted him. I trusted him to be a good person.

I have tried to make sense of it and I can’t. I question why someone that I thought I knew could hurt me deeper than I ever thought was possible. I have to ask myself that everyday. I only wish that I could go back and change it. I only wish that he would see what he did was wrong. I don’t know if he has remorse for what he did. I wish I knew, but it still would not change what happened that morning.

I look back on the past year and I don’t know who I became after that night. It was a blur and all I felt was pain inside. I turned into someone that I am ashamed of. I was hiding behind the only thing that would dull the pain and take it away for a little while. Alcohol dulled the pain even if it was just for a while. I felt it was my fault. I thought that it would just go away, but it is there everyday.

I was not going to go on with the trial, but I did. I could not let another girl have this happen to her. After the verdict came back ?not guilty,? I still feel that I would do it again. I have grown stronger since July 27, 2003. I refused to let him win. I also wanted him to know that it is not ok to rape, and he can’t just get off with a slap on the wrist.

I hope that his upcoming trial will do that and show him that it is wrong. He will be shown that rape is wrong and that he can?t get away with it. I feel better now, knowing that I did all that I could to prevent all those girls out there from being his next victims. I hope that it showed him that I will not be silenced by fear.

Thank you.


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